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Posted by Gladys on November 19, 2007 at 2:15 PM Comments comments (4)

Here are some ways to tell if your spouse is cheating. Some of this will also apply to live in significant others and some may apply to those romantically involved who are not living together, but primarily I am addressing spouses infidelity in this list below:

 Spouse is less available for family get togethers
 Spouse is emotionally detached from you & decreased sexual activity
 Spouse has taken on new work or hobbies that take him or her away from home example
suddenly going three times a week to the gym.
 Clothes are new, different or have unfamiliar scents of perfume or cologne
 Excessive errands are unusual times of the day or night
 Unexplained purchases on bank statement or ATM withdrawals
 Cell phone minutes excessively used to one phone number
 You find receipts for purchases that are not brought home
 Larger cash withdrawals at the ATM. Cash back at Stores where purchased items are much less on receipt.
 Notes, phone numbers, email addresses stuffed in wallet or clothes
 Hang up phone calls
 Spouse has secret drawer, file, keeps cell phone records hidden
 Internet web browser history list of porn or dating sites
 Spouse changes or adds new email accounts
Spouse clears out email and browser history
Cell phone texting is nearly constant but you cannot find anything usual on the phone.  Spouse is most like using an anonymous texting service
such as Text Plus or Kik
Spouse holds on tightly to the phone, sleeps with it, takes it into the bathroom never leaves it unlocked
Some other areas of concern:
Spouse accuses you of having an affair.
Spouse says you are imagining things, paranoid or you are crazy when confronted with possibly cheating.
Spouse starts arguments for petty reasons and then storms out of the house.
Spouse starts attending family or business gatherings and events without you.
Spouse has extra set of clothes in vehicle and takes showers "at the office" or more frequently.
Spouse starts hanging around with new friends, "boys" "girls" night out, old friends don't come around as before or act uncomfortable around you.
Spouses coworkers or secretary are evasive when you call asking for spouse.
Spouse wants to try new things in the bedroom.
Spouse wants more sex or none at all.
Please feel free to add to this list, as there are many other signs. Keep in mind that a few of these signs may be easily explained but when you have many of them at work in one situation chances are the spouse is cheating.

DON'T, I repeat don't confront the spouse. I know that is hard not to do, you have every right to know and expect to get an honest answer but why not get all the facts first? Confronting your spouse with one or two pieces of evidence is either liable to get him or her very angry that you distrust them so if they are innocent or make them shrewder in their infidelity because you caught them. Then it will cost you more time and money to get at the truth.
You want to have all the evidence possible for a variety of reasons. One if your goal is to save your marriage you may be able to with the help of a Professional Private Investigator find out that the spouses lover is a con artist, cheat, or criminal, has secrets hidden from your spouse and you can use this information as leverage against the lover to win back your spouse to reality and to you. If you show your hand too soon your spouse may alert the lover and both of them will cover up their tracks better.

Also if your spouses lover is a person of wealth and influence chances are you may be able to sue them for alienation of affection. In situations where a doctor has cross the line professionally with a patient [your spouse] or an employer or supervisor is using their position of authority over your spouse, you may be able to sue them for big bucks. You may want to do this if the marriage is over for sure and you want some monetary satisfaction. In many cases the lover will drop the affair anyway and you can make him or her pay for breaking up your happy home and family. By hiring a good PI you can secretly gather all the evidence on this lover and the activities with your spouse and maybe even others to use in court. SEE WHY ITS A GOOD IDEA TO WAIT TO CONFRONT THE CHEATER?

In other situations waiting is good, what if your spouse was considering cheating but had not done it yet, you may be able to win him or her back over to an intimacy with your that will preclude the cheating without the nasty confrontation and fighting that is sure to ensue. Your spouse may later tell you they had a temptation or offer to cheat and they refused. It will make them feel good to reveal this to you as you act surprised and relieved.
It is alot easier for your attorney to win your case in court if you follow his advice and the advice of your Private Investigator. Any good PI is going to insist you get yourself an attorney as soon as possible and will be willing to work with that attorney to assist you with your case. A Professional PI should remain respectful of your spouse when discussing the situation with you and should not resort to name calling etc, since your goal may be to save your marriage.
NEVER NEVER NEVER Confront the lover during the investigation stage. There may be a time for this but doing it prematurely can grossly backfire on you, the lover can accuse you of wrongdoing, like stalking, assault etc and all you have done is damage your case. Do provide your PI with as much information as you suspect about the lover and be willing to pay that investigator to dig up everything they can on this person and also conduct surveillance on him or her. Chances are this person has wrong motives anyway having an affair with someone elses spouse and these motives can later come into play in court or in confronting your spouse and or the lover.
The VERY BEST THING YOU CAN DO is to hire a Professional Private Investigator who is going to personally oversee your case from start to finish. You need someone who is compassionate, caring, knowledgeable about legalities in your state, so that any investigation is done in a professional and thorough manner within the scope of your local laws. Be careful of big name companies who may be hiring young inexperienced investigators and rather go for a smaller company, managed by a small team or individual who is going to personally invest time with you and not nickle and dime you but give you an overall service within your budget that targets your specific needs.
TRUST your PI he or she is there to give you the very best service and advice possible. Let the PI take the lead in the investigation. Do provide ongoing information but understand you are too emotionally involved and not trained for this sort of thing. The PI will know based upon the investigation what type of investigative strategy to use, when the best time to conduct surveillance is etc based upon the information your provide about your spouses daily routines as well as any information the investigator discovers. It sometimes takes time and caution to learn patterns and new behavior of cheaters, gamblers, or substance abusers.  Use a GPS tracker and let your PI monitor it some before spending money right away on surveillance hours.  Let your PI work with your attorney for protection of the work product, confidentiality and issues of discovery.  
Finally, cheaper is not always better, investing in a Professional Private Investigators services could save your marriage, save you thousands in settlement arrangements and or help you gain hundreds of thousands in an alienation of affection, help your children have quality of life in custody arrangements and give you peace of mind.
For assistance please contact us at accurateinvest@bellsouth.net  or call 601-480-3181.